Stupid Cow
by Kaori
Summary: Rated PG13 for cussing. This is just a little thing I thought about while I was playing the game. Some of this stuff actually did happen when I had played the cow, the rest I made up. R & R please!


Disclaimer: I do not own Black and White or the characters that were created in the game

Disclaimer: I do not own Black and White or the characters that were created in the game. I do own a copy of the game and the characteristics of the cow that I write about here are real.

Stupid Cow…

By Kaori

Deirdre was a relatively new goddess. Having just been pulled from Oblivion into this new land called Eden she didn't know exactly what to expect. She did know that she wasn't expecting this…this…

"Stupid cow." She groaned for the hundredth time today. The cow (who was named Baka Nguogyou because it was the best translation of stupid cow that she could find, but the stressed goddess found herself using the English version anyway) was presently torching her village; forcing her to use valuable prayer power to cast storm and water miracles to stop it from spreading. "Stupid, stupid, pain-in-the-ass cow." Deirdre seethed. There was going to be some serious bitch slapping of a certain bovine later.

As she struggled with the burning villagers, inhabitants, trees and whatnot she couldn't help but rue the day she got stuck with the cow. It had only been a month and in that time, the cow had never done anything right…

Flashback

She had just opened the gates and was anticipating getting her very first creature. To tell the truth, Deirdre didn't know what to expect. She didn't really bother looking at the gate stones very closely so she didn't know what type of creatures were beyond the gate. So she hurried over as fast as the wind could carry her (Being a goddess has its advantages) and came to a clearing. There were three creatures standing there: a tiger, an ape, and a…

"Cow?" she said in utter confusion. Suddenly the other two creatures bowed their heads and the cow stepped forward. "No! Wait, I didn't mean that I wanted…" But it was too late, the cow was hers and there was nothing she could do about it.

End Flashback

Deirdre tried to find a bright side to this, but for some reason there didn't seem to be any. It took her four years to teach the blasted thing to cast a simple water miracle. All of her divine friends had taught their creature that miracle in a couple of days. At first she wondered if it was her fault but a fellow goddess named Lo told her that she too had a cow and was having trouble teaching it to do things so it wasn't entirely Deirdre's fault. It was then that she had decided to name the creature Baka Nguogyou (or B.N. for short).

Another thing that annoyed her was that the damn cow was always eating her villagers. This wasn't too bad when it came to expansion issues, but it was hell when she needed worshippers and disciples to do things. She cringed whenever she heard the now familiar crunching noise and had to run and find out whether the creature was eating the food in the store, some animal, fish, or a villager (it was almost _always_ a villager). Slapping B.N. seemed to have little or no effect on him, but it sure made Deirdre feel better.

Leashes didn't seem to help the matter much. Whatever she leashed B.N. to he would either destroy, try to eat, or poop on, causing the poor goddess to have a conniption and practically beat the creature to death. Once she got called up by the Council of Deities for overly abusing her creature. She was so happy when they took B.N. away from her that she cast healing miracles all over the place. Unfortunately the Council found out why the creature warranted so many beatings and hastily sent it back, much to Deirdre's dismay.

"Finally, the fire's out." She sighed. "Now where is that stupid…OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

B.N. was standing in front of the temple about ready to cast the devastating Mega Blast. Time seemed to slow down as the creature wove the star pattern.

"Why does he always learn what I don't want to teach him!? WHY???" Deirdre screamed as she rushed to stop the cow, but it was too late….

BABOOOOM!!!

"STUPID COOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Moo.

The End


End file.
